You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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