apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
