One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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