I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
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All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.