Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.