paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars