Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...