Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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