We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
