he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
