I hope mine doesn't look like that
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
