Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
