We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
