I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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