i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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