So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
