remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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