I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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