why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
