i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
