I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
