thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
