Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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