the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
