and i looked up. we had an audience...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
