i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
