I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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