i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
