i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
