I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
