i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
