Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
