Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
