he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
