At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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