You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
