help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think people are normalizing furries
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
