I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
