haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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