I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
