Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
