is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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