so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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