I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
