I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize