she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
false alarm, still single
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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