If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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