All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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