my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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