i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
