okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
