Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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