hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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