someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
