I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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