all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You ate ashes out of my bong
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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