my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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