What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
