i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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