his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
