I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
