i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
