Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
