I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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