Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
