You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
