It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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