Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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