How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
