aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i drank out of a bidet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
