i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
