Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
