He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
