Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
